The first issue is the thing with crosswalks, and that is a tourist issue. It seems that people visiting from outside Rhode Island think that because they’re driving a vehicle that outweighs the human body they have the unquestioned right-of-way, despite the prevalence of signs like the one pictured to the left. The chief offenders seem to be Massachusetts drivers; drivers from other “foreign” states also violate the “stop at the crosswalk” law, but not as universally as Massachusetts drivers. In fact, Massachusetts drivers tend to ignore a wide range of Rhode Island traffic laws with impunity and are seen to be such a nuisance on our roads that they’re known as “Massholes” from Little Compton to Chepachet and Westerly to Woonsocket. [Note: If there are any Massachusetts residents reading this who are offended, don't take it up with me; have a talk with your fellow citizens who seem to think they have a right to come down here to RI to act like idiots on the road.]

But as far as crosswalks go, out-of-state drivers (MA drivers especially) seem to think they’re just meaningless painted decorations on the road, and any pedestrians walking on them are art lovers who have gotten carried away with their admiration and are in the way of people with places to go and things to see. They lean out their windows and yell, they lean on their horns, they flip you the bird… I even had a guy (wouldn’t you know it, MA plates on the car!) swerve around me, beeping and screaming at me to get out of the road, in the crosswalk in front of the police station on Broadway. I got the satisfaction of watching him get busted on that one!

Another issue is roadside puddles and the urge in people with IQs less than 75 (how did they get a driver’s license in the first place?) to drive through them to douse any hapless bystanders. This isn’t a tourist issue, this is purely a local one. If you’re ever in Newport and are walking near any low-lying areas where rain or snow-melt settle to create miniature lakes, keep an eye out for old, sagging cars or pick-ups full of kids who look like candidates for Jerry Springer’s studio audience, because if you see one of those you’re about to get soaked. And it’s not an unavoidable accident; you can see them swerve out of their current path to deliberately hit the puddle, and you can hear the hilarity in the car as they pass you by. And believe me, if they get busted (and yes, it’s a fineable offense; it’s called “operating a vehicle in a reckless manner”) they always try to claim it was an accident and they didn’t know there was a small inland sea there. Yeah, right!

But by far the clearest danger to pedestrians comes in Winter. It’s a sad fact that large segments of the population of Newport don’t clear the sidewalk in front of their homes after a snow. It’s not universal throughout town; the main commercial drags are easy to walk through afterwards, as are some of the older ethnic neighborhoods (the Irish, Portuguese, and Italian enclaves in town). But surprise, surprise! It’s the ritzier neighborhoods of the moneyed WASPs and the yuppie enclaves in town who never, ever shovel or use a snow-blower. In the WASP neighborhoods they plow out their driveways so their cars can get out, but the sidewalk remains covered. And in town in the yuppie enclaves you can see the path cleared from the front door to their SUV, but the rest of the sidewalk remains untouched. It’s as if their money exempts them from civic responsibility.

The one that really cracks me up is a house on the corner of two main drags in one of the WASPier neighborhoods. The black Lexus SUV that’s parked in the driveway had a McCain/Palin bumper sticker during the last election, and its predecessor (a Saab stationwagon) had Bush/Cheney bumper stickers in the two previous elections. And the sidewalk in front of their house is never cleared of snow; they just clear the driveway. There have been times when I’ve wanted to knock on the door and ask if membership in the Republican Party engenders a laissez faire attitude toward civic responsibilty, or if it’s the pre-existing attitude that leads to membership in the party.

In any event, walking around Newport in the aftermath of a snowfall can be a tricky proposition; you spend as much time walking out in the street because the sidewalk’s impassable as you do walking off the street on a cleared sidewalk. And when the road is a busy one and slippery on its own account, that uncleared sidewalk enters the realm of being a public safety issue. In fact, there is a municipal ordinance that states that the sidewalk in front of your house needs to be cleared and passable within 48 hours of the end of the snowfall, and failure to comply results in a fine. I really wish the city would start to enforce that one; given the amount of uncleared walks I encountered after this last storm, the city could collect enough money to lower the property tax rate!

So there you have it, the perils of being a pedestrian in Newport, RI. Pass at your own risk!